Bart the Vegetarian
by Reservoir Dog
Summary: When Lisa gets to eat dessert at a party that did not serve a vegetarian option, Bart reacts jealously and becomes a vegetarian for the sweets.


Bart the Vegetarian

Opens with Homer at the powerplant eating donuts. Some glowing liquid falls onto Homers donut.

Homer: Yuck

Homer wipes the glowing liquid off his donut and continues to eat it.

Smithers goes onto the intercom

Smithers: Hello employees. Keep working while I give you this brief announcement. As you all know it is Mr. Burns' birthday tomorrow and we are counting on seeing you there. Just a reminder: If you don't show up, you're fired. Thank you that is all.

Homer: ok I'll just clear some room on my calendar for tomorrow

Homer looks at his calendar and sees that the only things on the calendar for the whole month are going on tomorrow:

Barts 4th grade graduation

Lisa's Perfect student award

Maggies shots

Homer and Marge's spouse book club

Homer: Do'h

Homer arrives at home from work

Homer: Honey I'm home

Noone answers

Homer speaking louder: Honey I'm home

Grandpa yells from the TV room: Shut up, your family went out to buy clothes for your sons graduation.

Seconds later Marge walks in

Marge: Hey Homer, we are ready for Barts graduation. This time we got two suits, we don't want a repeat of his third grade graduation you know when he s-

Bart interrupts: We all remember what happened, you don't need to bring it up anymore

Bart goes up to his room

Homer: Um, Marge we might not be able to make it to the graduation after all

Marge: What do you mean

Homer: What I mean is that Mr. Burns has this birthday tomorrow and if I don't show up then I'll get fired from my job.

Marge sighs: Alright Homer

Marge drops the clothes and sulks upstairs

Grandpa: Whats for dinner?

Homer: Make it yourself

Homer goes upstairs

Grandpa picks up a bag of chips and opens it. He takes out a chip and eats it

Grandpa: Yuck, these chips are so cold, lets heat them up

Grandpa heads to the microwave and puts the bag of chips in it

Lisa: Grandpa I don't think that a good idea

Grandpa: pppt, what do kids know

Grandpa starts the microwave and the foil on the bag of chips start to spark and suddenly the microwave blows up and catches on fire, the smoke from the fire goes up through a vent in the ceiling and the camera follows it up to Homer and Marge in their bedroom talking.

Homer: Ah, come on Marge, what is a 4th grade graduation. Bart is moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade. Who cares?

Marge: I do, why do we have to stop our lives so some old geezer can feel special

Homer whispering: Um Marge remember

Homer points to a camera in the corner of the room

Cut to Burns watching the simpsons on a tv through the camera he put in their house

Burns: Geezer am I. Why I'll show those simpsons who I am. I'll give them the best birthday party they have ever seen. I'll give them the juiciest steaks, the most succulent pork, the baldest eagle

Smithers: Sir, I believe it's a felony to kill bald eagles

Burns: Don't you remember Smithers I am above the law

Burns points to a famed paper on the wall that says: ABOVE THE LAW

Smithers: Oh yes sir how could I forget

Burns: Now lets get this party started

The next day the simpsons are getting ready to go to the Burns party. The simpsons leave the house and get into the car and leave the driveway. In the middle of the car ride Marge speaks

Marge: Ok kids I know you all were planning on doing things today and I swear we will make it up to you tomorrow

Bart: You better. I had to miss my graduation

Cuts to Springfield Elementary's graduation ceremony

Pricipal Skinner: …And Bart Simpson come up here and get your 4th grade diploma

Milhouse: Barts not here

Skinner: Well then I guess he will have to repeat the 4th grade

Ms. Krapappel sighs then lights a cigarette

Ms. Krapappel: I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up

Cuts back to the Simpsons car

Lisa: And I wont get to receive the perfect student award

Cuts to Lisa's classroom

Ms. Hoover:…And the perfect student award goes to Lisa Simpson

Ralph: Lisa isn't here

Ms. Hoover: Ok then Ralph you can have it

Ralph: Yay, this says I'm smart

Cuts to the simpsons car

Lisa: I hope they don't give the award to Ralph he'll probably stick it up his nose

Cuts back to Lisa's classroom

Ralph has the award stuck halfway up his nose

Ralph: I need help

Cuts to the Simpsons car

Marge: Kids, its not like your father and I are missing out on our own activities either. We were supposed to go to our book club today too.

Cuts to the book club

Helen Lovejoy: Homer and Marge must have known that we were going to read this book about Martin Luther King Jr. and they ducked out, I always knew the Simpson's were many things but I never would have guessed that they were racists

The members murmur accusingly

Cuts back to the simpsons car

Marge: And Maggie didn't get her shots today

Maggie coughs

The Simpsons arrive at Burn's party

The Simpsons sit down at a table with a lot of different meats on a plate, including a bald eagles head, in front of them

Smithers: Ok I believe everyone is here, now lets sing for Mr. Burns

Everybody: Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you

Homer rapidly singing: Happy Birthday blah blah blah Lets Eat

Everyone eats and enjoys their meat except for Lisa

Lisa calls Smithers and Burns over

Lisa: I'm a vegetarian, do you have anything other than meat

Burns: Why you un-American, liberal, herbivorous little-

Smithers interrupts: I'm sorry little girl we don't have anything else except you can have a piece of the cake instead

Lisa: Hmmm, ok, if that's all you have

Bart watches in astonishment

Bart: Well done Lisa

Lisa: What do you mean

Bart: You just did what every kid dreams about. You got to eat dessert for dinner, you must teach me

Lisa: Bart, I'm vegetarian remember

Bart: Yeah sure you are

Lisa: Whatever Bart

The evening turns to night and the party is almost over

Burns picks up his megaphone

Burns: This party is over, I hope you like your cake with "sprinkles" at the end (laughs)

Burns turns on the spriklers (laughs)

Everyone runs off Burns' property

The next day the family sits down at the dinner table

Marge: I hope you like meatloaf and when you're done I made pie for dessert

Bart: Mother, Father, Sister

Bart winks at Lisa

Bart: I have decided to become a vegetarian

Homer: Noo, not another

Homer points at Bart

Homer: You better not be gay

Marge: Homer!

Marge faces Bart

Marge: I'm sorry Bart, but I only made enough salad for Lisa

Bart: Oh, Well I guess the only thing left to eat is the pie

Homer Yelps

Homer: Marge you cant give him the first piece of pie, I always get the first piece of pie

Marge: Homer that's not something to be proud of

Marge cuts out a piece of pie and puts it on Barts plate

Homer: All this pie is making the boy fat, look how fat he is

Bart: Look who's talking Homeboy

Homer: Why you little

Homer reaches across the table to strangle Bart but Marge slaps Homer's hands before he could

Marge: It's time you start supporting your son Homer

Homer sarcastically: Oh, Ok, I _support_ you giving away _my_ first piece of the pie

Marge: Just eat your meatloaf Homer

Homer: No, I am a vegetarian now

Marge: Homer just eat your meatloaf or I'll throw the pie away

Homer: Ok, Ok, I give up I'll eat the meatloaf, just don't hurt the pie

Lisa: Bart, This is a new low even for you

Bart: And it tastes so… (Bart takes a bite of his Pie)… good

Lisa: O Brother

The next morning Marge calls the family down for breakfast

Bart runs downstairs and sits in his chair

Bart: What's that smell

Marge: That smell is your breakfast: Steamed broccoli, carrot juice and salad with spinach dressing

Bart has an utterly disgusted look on his face

Homer: (laughs) Where's you're pie now vege-boy (laughs)

Bart: Um, I'm not very hungry this morning

Marge: Ok, I'll save it for an after school snack, how about that

Bart: That would be great

Lisa: That's the schoolbus

Bart: Gotta go

Cuts to Bart in the lunchroom in line

Bart: Ok Milhouse watch this

Lunch lady Doris faces Bart

Doris: What will you be having for lunch today

Bart: Well I am a vegetarian so do you have a salad that I could eat instead of this fine meatloaf

Doris: You know we only cover the important food groups

Doris points to a school nutrition pyramid

Doris: Cow meat, horse meat, mystery meat and sugar

Bart: I'll just have extra jello then

Doris: Fine

Cuts to Bart in his room

Bart is holding his stomach

Bart: ohh, my stomach hurts sooo much, could it be, NO! sugar could never hurt someone

Homer: Bart get ready, we're going to Krusty Burgers

Bart: Yay

The Simpsons arrive at Krusty Burgers

Bart: They don't have an ounce of vegetables at Krusty Burgers

The Simpsons sit down

Waiter: Can I take your order?

Homer: I'll have 3 Quarter pounders, actually how about we make it 4 Quarter pounders.

Waiter: Sir, you want a full pound of meat?

Homer: That is correct

Waiter sarcastically: Someone is worried about Mad Cow Disease

Waiter faces Bart

Waiter: What will you have

Bart: Well, there doesn't seem to be anything a vegetarian would eat on this menu so I'll just have a pie and ice cream

Waiter faces Lisa

Waiter: And for you little girl

Lisa: I am a real vegetarian (glares at Bart) so I'll get a salad

Waiter: Um I guess we could do that

Cuts to the waiter ordering the chef

Waiter: Ok just take the lettuce off the hamburgers and put it on this plate

The waiter brings out the food for the Simpsons

Lisa gets her salad

Lisa: This salad has a lot of meat on it

Homer gets his food

Homer: And my meat has a lot of salad on it

Bart gets his food

Bart: Oh stop complaining

Lisa: Easy for you to say you're having pie for dinner

Bart: Don't be jealous

Lisa: Jealous? Bart you've had four pies this week

Bart: So?

Lisa: It's Tuesday

Marge: Oh Lisa, just give Bart a chance

Bart: Yeah, Lisa doooooo (Bart faints)

Lisa: That's not good

Homer: Is he going to finish his pie?

Marge: No

Homer: So can I?

Marge: No! we are going to a hospital

The Simpsons leave the booth

Waiter: Ok now here's your bill---What--- were did they go

Cut to the Simpsons in the doctor's office and Bart is still passed out on a bed

Bart wakes up

Dr: Hibbert to the Simpsons: It seems that Bart here has had a pure sugar diet for the past week, this is grossly unhealthy, whose idea was this?

Marge: Well Bart said he wanted to be a vegetarian

Dr. Hibbert: Well these results show that nothing even resembling vegetables has entered his system in the past few days, I'm afraid Bart will have to end his vegetarianism unless he is serious about it

Homer: Alright lets go back to the house

Dr. Hibbert looking at his clipboard: Oh wait Homer, you have some shots scheduled

Dr. Hibbert lowers his his clipboard and finds that the Simpsons aren't there

Dr. Hibbert: Lock down the building we have a code 7, I repeat code 7

Cut to the Simpsons running to the door of the hospital

Homer: Hurry Family we are almost there

Just then the doors close and two burly men come out and grab Homer and drag him down the hall, Homer is screaming uncontrollably

Cut to Homer in the shot chair

Dr. Hibbert: Ok this wont hurt a bit

Dr. Hibbert puts the needle into Homer's arm and Homer Screams

Fade Out

THE END


End file.
